Well according to this article, now that I've moved, all my friends will inevitably become acquaintances. Of course making new true friends is much harder when you're older. Wow, depressing.
It's at least true for me. For example, I had someone that was probably my best friend that I hung out with at least once a week when he lived near me, and after he moved away, I'd like his Facebook posts but almost never reach out to talk to him. Except when he comes back into town, then I make a point to be available and we catch up. I also might go visit him next year sometime. But yeah, I haven't spoken to him in at least six months.
And now I have other friends nearby that I care about more and make an effort to hang out with on a regular basis.
And for that reason (amongst others), I am very hesitant to move away from this place, even though there are better job opportunities elsewhere in the country. I'm friends with quite a few people here, and I know I won't maintain those friendships hardly at all once I move away.
It is true. When you move, you will lose all your friendships and life will be difficult for a while.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. You can always make new friends, and if you put in the effort, you will.
The whole nonsense about true friends is kind of silly. Friendship is 95% proximity and 5% compatibility. You can get that anywhere and the history of your friendships really doesn't add value.
This is a classic case of the sunk cost fallacy that a lot of people fall into. You've got to do what's best for yourself in the long run, excluding your sunk costs (in this case, time building relationships). Imagine how silly you'll feel if all your friends move away and you waited around for nothing.
I'm pretty introverted by nature, and it took a concerted effort of me going to pretty much every meetup I could in the area over a period of two years to build up the social network I have in the area.
Could I do it from scratch again? Sure, and perhaps I will in a year or two, especially now that I've found a significant other that fits into my life so well.
But I really like the geography of where I live, the people where I live, the culture in close proximity to where I live, and I have job with a good dev culture that pays a respectable amount for the region and looks good on a resume, so I'm not exactly in a hurry to leave quite yet.
I'm not waiting for my friends. The pasture is pretty green where I'm at, and I'm not entirely convinced the pasture is just as green on the other side of the fence, even if it might pay more.
Reminds me of another study that came out in May. It reiterates what you said, but basically after you're out of school you stop making new friends, you prioritize who you consider a friend based on what their value is, etc.
The only way around it is to go waaaay out of your way to reverse it. Throw parties and shit even though you're way too old to stay up past 10pm. ;-)
That is an unfortunate truth of life. Some folks get lucky, but I don't think that is as common.
I don't think folks do this intentionally, however. Things change in life over time, and often it is difficult to keep on the same page. Over time, you just aren't there.
On the other hand, I'm not sure 'true' friends are all that common for anyone, so perhaps it is better to find a group that fills different sorts of needs instead. I have my spouse, who is my friend. Took some time after moving to make other friends, who might not be "true!, but they all add something positive to my life. I'll take that.
This has played out for me. A couple of friends moved away. We had kids and the ones that stayed didn't. I talk to one out of my four "close" friends on anything resembling a regular basis. I realized I hadn't spoke to one in 8 months.
If you have kids and your friends don't, expect that to put a strain on your friendship because you won't have time to spend the way you did once upon a time. You will plan more because your time is no longer free, just borrowed from your spouse or whoever else is watching your children. You will lose those serendipitous moments that form the contours of your relationship.
As an entrepreneur, I have found it really difficult to make friends. I have a business partner and a distributed team, it is extra hard to make new friends. If you work in an office, you come across people. I always found it easy to make friends at work and took it for granted. Now, it's nearly impossible to do. Then again, my mom has exactly zero friends and gets by so I have to imagine friendship is not a necessity.
This is very true though. My wife and I moved across the country, and making new friends was hard. We do not have kids, and are older so meeting other people our age without kids was tough. I was mostly okay with it, because I have always been fine being alone, but my wife struggled.
After 2 years we moved back. The friend issue was not the only reason, but was a big driver.
Anymore, my only "real" friends are my parents, my wife, and my pets (hopefully someday my kid). My wife tops the list, since she is the one who I can talk endlessly to, and knows when to tell me to shut up :-)
My wife is my best friend and for that I feel lucky. We can both tell each other to stop when we need to.
My advice, don't try to be friends with your kids, at least when their young. Try to guide them and instill a value system and a desire to learn and love.
Maybe when they become adults they can be your friends. That is where I am now. One is 24 and the other is a very mature 18. We still have a parent / child relationship but we can goof around like friends. Even drink a glass of wine together (with the 24 year old). The 3 of us go to stupid movies. We all 3 love stupid movies and kids movies and adventure movies. My wife like drama movies which I tolerate.
I have other friends but not nearly as close. I have "friends" as work but we don't socialize together except for a private music party once a year. We respect each other. Maybe have a drink together once and awhile.
