Your examples could just as easily be read the other way -- that "jerk", "lazy" and "asshole" are directed at the person whereas "shrill" or "emotional" are towards behaviour. I don't see what criteria you're using to put these examples in one category or the other.

... it is that managers call men jerks, lazy or assholes, but they'll say that women are shrill or "too emotional".

I don't really see a distinction. To me calling someone an asshole is equally a personal to calling someone shrill.

The distinction is that, in many peoples' eyes, "shrill" as a personal insult is almost always directed at women. There is a stereotype of a shrill woman.

And asshole as a personal insult is almost always directed at men.