> Learning how to not always feel the weight on my shoulders and chest though.
I want to give you advice on how to do that, but because it's so hard to tell what the recipe for success actually is, I hesitate for fear that the advice would end up being counterproductive. So, for what it's worth, and with a grain of salt:
I've found that the pattern that is functional for me is a cyclical manic-depression. I come up with new ideas, expend energy on them, spinning up projects and pouring out thoughts and insights, and then I collapse into an emotional death spiral and am forced to spend effort on self-improvement of various kinds before going into another burst of creative energy. The length of the cycles vary tremendously.
This sounds about right. Though I've gone through enough self-improvement cycles that my "emotional death spiral" aren't as drastic now - mind you, they still suck and do contrast strongly the feeling and productivity when in the creative energy bursts. The more pieces of life I have figured out the better too. I almost found a permanent counter-balance, a woman, who I thought would end up inspiring me permanently - though that opportunity never ended up not being possible.
> I almost found a permanent counter-balance, a woman, who I thought would end up inspiring me permanently - though that opportunity never ended up not being possible.
I've been in this trap before; it's a bad idea. A support network is critically important, but don't put a lover on a pedestal to act as your muse. It's murder for a healthy relationship.
Nope, I realize that. It wasn't meant for that - it would have just been inspiring enough or rather elevating to have found someone I could start to build deep trust with, but I don't absolutely need that. For now I'm just focusing on building better friendships and relationships in general. Just the thought of having someone I can fully confide into - business wise or otherwise - is appealing.
I want to give you advice on how to do that, but because it's so hard to tell what the recipe for success actually is, I hesitate for fear that the advice would end up being counterproductive. So, for what it's worth, and with a grain of salt:
I've found that the pattern that is functional for me is a cyclical manic-depression. I come up with new ideas, expend energy on them, spinning up projects and pouring out thoughts and insights, and then I collapse into an emotional death spiral and am forced to spend effort on self-improvement of various kinds before going into another burst of creative energy. The length of the cycles vary tremendously.